Tag: Marriage

Shame Detox: How to Recognize Toxic Shame and Start Healing at the Root

On By Naty MatosIn ThriveLeave a comment

Have you ever caught yourself over-apologizing for simply taking up space, obsessing over a minor mistake, or feeling like no matter how much you accomplish, it is never quite enough? What if the loudest, harshest voice inside your head isn’t actually yours?

In our latest episode of Thrive, we sit down for a deeply raw, eye-opening conversation about the invisible weight so many of us carry: toxic shame.

Shame doesn’t just make you feel bad—it quietly rewrites your identity. It influences how you date, parent, communicate, and even how you pray. If you have ever felt trapped in a endless loop of perfectionism, performance, or self-criticism, this conversation was recorded specifically for you.

Here is a glimpse of what we unpack in this powerful episode, and why you need to tune in today.

1. What Shame Actually Is (And Why It’s Not Guilt)

Before you can heal shame, you have to define it. In the episode, we break down the critical difference between the signals your mind sends you:

  • Guilt says: “I did something wrong.”
  • Healthy shame says: “That behavior doesn’t align with who I want to be.”
  • Toxic shame says: “I am wrong.”

Toxic shame doesn’t just correct your actions; it attacks who you are. We discuss how shame is deeply embodied—triggering physical threat states like elevated cortisol, a tight chest, or avoided eye contact—and how to spot it when it masks itself as discipline or ambition.

2. How Shame Gets Installed Early

Children are not born believing they are defective. We explore the relational root causes—from emotional invalidation and public humiliation to fear-based messaging—that teach us to believe mistakes threaten our belonging.

When raised with discipline lacking emotional connection, a child internalizes a dangerous narrative: “If I fail, I lose love.” In this episode, we unpack how to recognize these early installations so you can finally stop passing them down.

3. How Shame Shows Up in Relationships & Marriage

Shame never stays buried; it leaks into adult life. It shows up as hyper-independence, emotional withdrawal, people-pleasing, or an anxious need to perform to be loved.

We also get real about relationships, appearance, and marriage. We talk through the hard truth that no milestone—no ring, baby, or house—can change another human being. You’ll learn how toxic shame makes you personalize relational problems (“If I were prettier or better, they’d treat me right”) and how to start grounding your worth in secure love rather than conditional acceptance.

4. Religious Trauma vs. True Grace

Why do so many people walk away from faith spaces? We tackle the heavy topic of religious trauma and shame-based theology.

From the double standards of public shaming to fear-based messaging, we contrast harmful institutional practices with the compassionate model set by Jesus with the woman at the well. You will learn the difference between godly conviction (which draws you toward repair and closeness) and self-condemnation (which pushes you into isolation and hiding).

5. Practical Steps to Detox Shame at the Root

Healing isn’t about pretending nothing happened; it’s about disrupting the belief system shame built. In this episode, we walk through actionable tools to help you:

  1. Name the Voice: Separate yourself from the critic, the prosecutor, or the old tape.
  2. Practice Self-Compassion: Move from self-attack to supportive self-talk.
  3. Reconnect with Your Body: Shift your posture, breathe, and allow yourself to be seen.
  4. Speak Truth to Safe People: Disarm shame by speaking it out loud in safe relationships.
  5. Rewrite Your Spiritual Narrative: Choose restoring grace over punishing condemnation.

Ready to Stop Hiding and Start Healing?

Healing is rarely instant—it’s about unlearning, building safety, and taking small steps toward freedom every single day. You are not a mistake, and you don’t have to carry this weight alone any longer.

🎧 Watch or listen to the full episode of Thrive now to begin your shame detox journey.

Loved this conversation? Don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with someone in your life who needs a gentle reminder of their worth today!

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Discovering God in Daily Moments

On By Naty MatosIn Thrive, Writing HappeningsLeave a comment

Are you ready to embark on a journey of faith, family, and mental health? Join us for a captivating conversation with Emily Hill, where we delve into the depths of life’s challenges and triumphs.

Emily’s story is one of resilience and discovery. Growing up in a pastor’s home, life seemed picture-perfect until the harsh realities of adulthood hit hard. From navigating the joys and struggles of marriage to grappling with the profound loss of miscarriage, Emily shares candidly about her journey through grief, anger, and ultimately, healing.

In this episode, Emily invites us into her world, where faith intersects with the everyday moments of life. Through personal anecdotes and reflections on scripture, she reveals how she found solace and purpose in the midst of darkness, discovering the real presence of God in the mundane and momentous alike.

But the conversation doesn’t stop there. Emily shines a light on the stigma surrounding mental health in religious communities, advocating for open dialogue and acceptance. She shares her vision for faith communities to become spaces of healing and support, where individuals can find both spiritual and tangible resources for mental well-being.

And don’t forget to check out Emily’s book, “Everyday Epiphany,” a devotional that explores the presence and purpose of God in the everyday moments of life. With personal anecdotes and insights drawn from scripture, this book offers a guiding light for those seeking to deepen their faith and find meaning in the midst of life’s challenges.

Join us as we explore the thin places where the natural and spiritual worlds collide, where grief is met with grace, and where hope shines brightest in the darkest of moments. Whether you’re seeking comfort, inspiration, or simply a listening ear, this episode promises to touch your heart and uplift your spirit.

Don’t miss out on this empowering conversation with Emily Hill, as we navigate the complexities of everyday life with faith, family, and mental health as our guiding lights.

Watch the full episode by clicking here and embark on your own journey of discovery and resilience. Because in the midst of life’s challenges, there is always hope to be found.

Big secret blown up

On By Naty MatosIn Articles3 Comments

Today’s WordPress prompt was, “What is the biggest secret you failed to keep? I had to think long and hard about this one as my regular line of work and most of my ministry work is surrounded by confidentiality clauses and agreements; therefore there’s not much that I have revealed in terms of secrets. I also don’t tend to divulge secrets anyway so it took me a while, but then a light went off on the personal realm the one I found was life changing.

 It is customary for most churches to require a pre-marital course for couples. I attended to one of these when it was my “bridal time” and met two other couples preparing for their nuptials with whom we became very close. We became so close that after the course we started helping each other in the wedding preparations. My wedding was the one in the middle of the other two.

We attended the first wedding and after that, the now wife and the wife to be became my little helpers. The grooms became friends and tended to hang out together when we girls were submerged in lace and flowers. As we were very focused on our tasks we had not noticed that the third groom (the one whose wedding was right after mine) had developed a certain affection for one of my neighbors, so every time it was time to come over to my place for my wedding things he was quite eager.

This neighbor was my lifetime friend and at some point told me about the handsome guy who was visiting my house and inviting her out. I quickly pointed out to her that the lady with him was nobody else but his fiancée. I was in a predicament. If I told my new friend about what her fiancé had done I was going to break her heart and probably cancel her wedding, but at the same time I would have been devastated if I would have allowed her to marry a cheater. So I did, I called the girl and told her about her groom and my neighbor.

The fun part was that the ladies got together and plotted a plan. My neighbor accepted the date, but instead of one, both women showed up. The soon to be married lady and I did not keep a relationship, but she said she was grateful for the revelation. As painful as this was, I really don’t regret doing it as I would have appreciated if anyone would have done it for me if it was me the one being cheated on.

In retrospective, nobody was asked to keep it a secret, but it was information that I knew that the affected person didn’t have. People forget that what’s done in the dark always comes to light. That it’s important to do the right thing, just because is the right thing to do. It usually is a good assistance to a good night sleep and I love my sleep.

Blessings!