Yesterday was the International Day of Non-Violence against woman. It was chosen to be celebrated every year on October 2nd in honor to Mohandas Gandhi. I think it is of no coincidence that it’s the same month where we are making conscience and awareness of domestic violence issues.
The Secretary General for the United Nations said the following in his message regarding the day of non-violence, “I have made prevention a key priority in the five-year action agenda of the United Nations. But prevention means more than separating warring parties and cooling tensions. Fundamentally tackling the roots of conflict and intolerance will take a culture of non-violence and peace.”
This statement resonated with me in a great manner. In regards to violence, no matter which kind it’s more about prevention than reaction. In terms of domestic violence is knowing the signs early in a relationship to remove yourself before you become at risk.
Another way of prevention is the acknowledgement of anger tendencies within yourself and seeking help to avoid becoming an abuser.
Let’s talk about some of those early signs.
Many of the signs women are taught to interpret as caring, attentive, and 
romantic are actually early warning signs for future abuse. Some examples include:
INTRUSION:Constantly asking you where you are going, who you are with, etc.
ISOLATION: Insists that you spend all or most of your time together, cutting you off from friends and family.
POSSESSION AND JEALOUSY: Accuses you of flirting/having sexual relationships with others; monitors your clothing/make-up.
NEED FOR CONTROL: Displays extreme anger when things do not go his way; attempts to make all of your decisions.
UNKNOWN PASTS / NO RESPECT FOR WOMEN: Secretive about past relationships; refers to women with negative remarks, etc.
MORE WARNING SIGNS
| 1. | Was or is abused by a parent. |
| 2. | Grew up in a home where an adult was abused by another adult. |
| 3. | Gets very serious with boyfriends/girlfriends very quickly – saying “I love you” very early in the relationship, wanting to move in together or get engaged after only a few months, or pressuring partner for a serious commitment. |
| 4. | Comes on very strong, is extremely charming and an overly smooth talker. |
| 5. | Is extremely jealous. |
| 6. | Isolates partner from support systems – wants partner all to themselves, and tries to keep partner from friends, family or outside activities. |
| 7. | Attempts to control what partner wears, what she/he does or who she/he sees. |
| 8. | Is abusive toward other people, especially mother or sisters if he is a male. |
| 9. | Blames others for one’s own misbehavior or failures. |
| 10. | Has unrealistic expectations, like expecting partner to meet all of ones needs and be the perfect partner. |
| 11. | Is overly sensitive – acts ‘hurt’ when not getting one’s way, takes offense when others disagree with an opinion, gets very upset at small inconveniences that are just a normal part of life. |
| 12. | Has been cruel to animals in the past. |
| 13. | Has abused children. |
| 14. | Has hit a boyfriend or girlfriend in the past. |
| 15. | Has threatened violence, even if it wasn’t a serious threat. |
| 16. | Calls partner names, puts him/her down or curses at him/her. |
| 17. | Is extremely moody, and switches quickly from being very nice to exploding in anger. |
| 18. | If a male, believes women are inferior to men and should obey them. |
| 19. | Is intimidating, for example using threatening body language, punching walls or breaking objects. |
| 20. | Holds partner against his/her will to keep him/her from walking away or leaving the room. |
If you want to share your survivor story with us (even anonymously) please send us an email at therisingmuse@gmail.com If your story is chosen to be featured you will receive a copy of my new book The Road Home. If you are currently enduring these situations and need prayer, do not hesitate to send us an email and we’ll pray for you.
Be blessed and be safe
Naty Matos 