Watching these stories of sexual violence and seeing the scrutiny the victims are enduring inspired me to write this article about what happens behind the curtain for a victim of sexual impropriety. It has become obvious that these attacks are happening more than we care to admit. These events are life changing for the victim and we should not take likely that the victims suffer consequences for speaking up.

Blame- When someone is sexually attacked, the first thoughts are of guilt and shame. The victims tend to try to figure out how they made this happened to them. They agonize over things that are not related to real reason why these events happen, which is that the predator wanted power over their victim.  The irony is that even people who have been victims of some sort help keep these ideas in society. They blame the way the victim was dressed, their habits, their relationships, their company choices and being at a place where they shouldn’t be.

It is true that when people are intoxicated, they are more vulnerable to be victims of a crime. However, being intoxicated doesn’t give permission to another person to attack them. It is true that walking alone in desolated place makes a person more vulnerable to be a victim of a crime, but that doesn’t give anyone permission to attack them. This is one of the consequences victims suffer. Not only they have to deal with their self-blame, but with the blame of others that think they bare some responsibility in their attack.

Credibility-When the perpetrator is a respected member of the community, and most of the times it is, victim shaming is the next consequence. Having less than a perfect life will be utilized to discredit their account against the stellar public life of the perpetrator.  This always reminds me of the serial rapist and murderer BTK. He was a quiet, not threatening looking man. He was a pillar in his community and church, but he raped and killed several women in his community. It is possible for you to know someone publicly, even live with them and not know the demons they carry. Sometimes they use the currency they have acquired through their “good deeds” to rail supporters and use it against the less than stellar life of the victim.

 

But sometimes that’s the vulnerability that the perpetrator used all along to choose their victim. It comes down to the world of a child to a prominent adult, the word of a sex worker against the word of a publicly considered honorable man or the word of someone considered less in the hierarchy within the organization where the perpetrator operates. The victim’s motives are questioned. They use their vulnerabilities as motives to try to damage the work of this “reputable” predator.

Another issue that the victims face about their credibility being attacked is when they report several instances of sexual violence by different perpetrators at different times in their lives. Sadly, this does happen, and it doesn’t mean that the victim is making them up. I was chatting with a lady on twitter who was abused by her step-father, went to live with a family member to be then abused by her cousin. Multiple attacks, at different times in one’s life by different perpetrators is not unheard of and I believe it.

Scrutiny-There’s another phenomenon that gets also misconstrued. A victim for whatever reason, including the ones above, doesn’t disclose the attack until years later. The credibility of the victim lays strongly on their life, but something that doesn’t get considered is how the attack or attacks influenced some of the struggles the victim has. If a child is sexually abused, this changes the way they approach sex. It is possible then that they either become promiscuous or sexually inhibited. In some occasions the victim chooses unhealthy relationships because they don’t know of healthy ways to connect in a sexual relationship.

Another factor that may look discrediting of a victim’s accounts are their addictions. However, it shouldn’t be a surprised that some people who are victims of any kind of trauma self-medicate their emotional pain with alcohol or drugs. A current or history of drug use should not be used as a reason to discount a victims account.

Legal and Financial– Finances have recently been a subject brought as a disqualifying topic to victim’s accounts. I’m not talking about a victim suing their perpetrator, but their own personal finances. Something along the lines of, how can you believe someone who is broke or has filed for bankruptcy several times? However, a traumatic event could be the cause of poor choices and decisions, including financial ones. But even if that was not a factor, the fact that someone can’t balance their checkbook (do people still do that?) or manages their money wisely is not an indicator that a sexual attack did not occur.

Now, let me explain some of the legal issues victims face. If it’s not a full fledged rape and violent, there’s very little physical evidence that could be presented in a court of law to prosecute a perpetrator. The accounts of other victims can be used to present to a court a pattern of behavior. Recently things like date rape and even marital rape have been accepted as charges, but they are very hard to prove in court. Situation like molestation, harassment, groping incidents are not less traumatic but harder to legally prove. These incidents don’t have DNA, rarely a video, picture or a witness and if a long time has passed the steeper is the hill to prove these charges in a court of law. Because civil courts have a less restrictive requirements for burden of proof, many victims choose to sue. Other choose to sue because the statue of limitation on charges has expires. This means that the law states that when someone commits a crime there an expiration date on when that crime can be brought to charges. If this is the case, civil lawsuits are the only legal recourse that a victim may have. It’s not about money, but justice. Yes, some of these lawsuits are for substantial amounts of money, but since their perpetrator will not face jail time, they will have to endure the steep financial penalty. Also, in civil court their perpetrators can be compelled to testify and sometimes that’s all a victim really wants, for the perpetrator to face him/her and admit their wrongdoing. It doesn’t always pan out that way, but that’s the goal.

Emotional and Medical–Trauma affects the chemistry of the victim’s brain. If it happens to a child, it can affect properly development. A sexual assault can cause a victim to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This fact also contributes to other challenges the victim needs to deal with. Mental health issues are already socially defining, add now sexual trauma, having to speak up against your perpetrator and dealing with all that comes with that.

To finalize, therefore when a victim comes out to report a sexual assault my first instinct it to believe them:

• They are publicly exposing their identities and narrating very publicly a very intimate infringement on their sense of safety, security and personal being.
• They know that they are going to be scrutinize to the most diminutive details of their lives and still speak up. That takes a lot!
• They’re aware that they will be blamed and shamed and they still speak up.
• They will have consequences:
  • Financially- by losing or having to quit their jobs. Paying legal fees for any court proceedings.
  • Emotionally-their lives will be exposed for the world to see. They get to relive their attacks over and over.
  • Relational-they may lose cherished relations due to the stress of the disclosures or people taking sides on the issue.
  • Privacy-exposing their abuse will open their private moments up to scrutiny

My question is, who will be willing to do that for any other reason than it really happened to them. Now, I’m not discounting that there are false reports, but the reality is that the percentages of those are minimal and those stories quickly crumbled down. Most of cases are true. My suggestion is give victims a chance before victimizing them again through the court of public opinion.

There’s also plenty of good aspects of disclosing and I will talk about that on my next article.

Once again if you want to share your story anonymously with us, you can either email me at therisingmuse@gmail.com or submit your story in the “Stories Submissions” Tab at the top of our page.

Be safe

Naty