By Veda Green

I was a caregiver for years for my mom, and it was one of the most challenging yet rewarding roles I’ve ever taken on. My mom faced a series of serious health issues, including colon cancer, uterine cancer, multiple surgeries to remove several feet of her intestines, and around five ankle surgeries. Yes, that’s a lot of surgeries!

When she was diagnosed with uterine cancer, I was in the 12th grade. Thankfully, I was 16 and had my driver’s license, which allowed me to help in ways I might not have been able to otherwise. I still remember her coming home after surgery and navigating the many steps to our front door. To ease the pressure on her stomach, she had to walk up the steps backward—a vivid image of her determination and resilience. Her husband, my stepdad, supported her during that time, but I was there for the other surgeries and recoveries.

Sometimes she stayed with me, and other times I stayed with her. Since it was just me and my younger brother, it made sense for me to take on the role of caregiver. I won’t sugarcoat it—caregiving is physically and mentally exhausting. But for me, it was a deeply personal and meaningful experience. I already loved her, and that made it special.

For professional caregivers who work with strangers—elderly or ill individuals—they demonstrate an extraordinary heart and the spirit of mercy. It takes a unique kind of person to step into someone else’s world, tending to their bathing, wound care, feeding, medication, and hygiene, all while offering compassion. It’s more than just physical care—it’s about bringing comfort and joy to someone in need.

One of the moments I’ll never forget is when my mom developed blood clots after a surgery. She became incredibly weak and struggled to breathe. The doctors discovered she had a pulmonary embolism—blood clots in her chest. One nurse, after returning from the weekend, reviewed her chart and said, “You should be dead!” I knew she was very ill, but hearing that shook me to my core.

Desperate to lift her spirits, I borrowed my niece’s DVD player and brought over the movie Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins. When I pressed play, it was like all her pain and troubles disappeared for 90 minutes. We laughed so much, and she cried, saying, “I needed this!” That moment reminded me of the healing power of laughter and connection.

Another memory stands out from when her intestines collapsed, requiring surgery to remove the damaged section and resect her intestines. To prevent further complications, the doctors inserted drainage tubes in her stomach. These tubes had small balls on the ends to collect excess blood, which I had to measure and record several times a day.

One day, as I drained the tubes, I joked with her, “I’m going to write a book and call it My Mom’s Got Balls!” She laughed so hard, and in that moment, we forgot about the stress and pain. She later told me that having me by her side brought her joy, and I firmly believe that joy and laughter contributed to her healing.

Caregiving isn’t just about meeting someone’s physical needs. It’s about going the extra mile—finding ways to bring joy, create smiles, and distract from the pain. Whether it was watching movies, playing games, or simply sitting and talking, I constantly thought about how to keep her spirits high. By the end of each day, I would collapse into bed, completely spent, but knowing I had given her my all made it worth every effort.

Caregiving, whether for a loved one or a stranger, is often described as one of the most selfless and rewarding roles a person can take on. However, it also comes with significant emotional challenges that are often overlooked. Let’s explore the emotional hurdles caregivers face and how they can navigate them.

The Emotional Weight of Caregiving

Caregivers bear an immense amount of responsibility, juggling appointments, medication schedules, and daily tasks while providing emotional support. This can be overwhelming and lead to anxiety, as caregivers constantly worry about doing enough or making the right decisions.

The Emotional Rollercoaster

Caregiving is an emotional rollercoaster, filled with highs of joy and connection but also lows of frustration, sadness, and grief. Watching a loved one struggle or decline in health can be heartbreaking, and many caregivers experience “caregiver burnout,” characterized by exhaustion and helplessness.

Isolation and Loneliness

Caregiving often limits social interactions, leading to feelings of isolation. Many caregivers hesitate to share their struggles, fearing they’ll burden others or be misunderstood. This isolation can exacerbate feelings of depression and anxiety, creating a vicious cycle that’s difficult to break.

Guilt and Self-Doubt

Guilt is a constant companion for many caregivers. They may feel selfish for taking time for themselves or doubt whether they’re doing enough. Questions like “Am I making the right decisions?” weigh heavily, adding to their emotional strain.

The Importance of Self-Care

Despite these challenges, self-care is vital. Caregivers often neglect their own needs, but recharging is essential to providing effective care. Practices like mindfulness, exercise, and seeking support from friends or counselors can help alleviate the burden. Support groups also offer a safe space for caregivers to share experiences and feel less alone.

Finding Balance

Balancing caregiving responsibilities with personal well-being requires setting boundaries and recognizing limits. By prioritizing their own health, caregivers can better support their loved ones without sacrificing themselves in the process.

Conclusion

Caregiving is a journey filled with love, but it’s also laden with emotional challenges. Recognizing these struggles is the first step toward creating a supportive environment for caregivers. By fostering open conversations and encouraging self-care, we can help caregivers navigate this complex and demanding role. After all, caregivers deserve care, too.