Missing you hurts

Missing your love hurts

Your love hurts

Hurts so deep inside

Every day that you’re not with me

Its like the world stops spinning

This pain is so real

This pain is so true

Missing you is killing

Every part of my soul

I pray to God for healing

I pray for his comfort

But not having you near me

Is taking me to a new low

I love you

God knows that’s true

And for every minute you’re away

My heart just keeps spitting out blood

This poem, although not included in the book, was  written by one of the main characters in my new novel, “A Brother’s Vow”. Join me in this journey through the deepest of pains, hitting rock bottom and healing. Once you’ve read the book, come back and tell us who do you think wrote it? If you guess right, you will get a free copy of my very first book, “Growth Lessons”.

A Brother's Vow (Final)A crazy promise made during a night out with his twin brother will change Randall’s life forever. Will he be able to keep the promise he made or will his past cause him to go against everything he’s worked hard to achieve?

“Randall Benson and his twin brother Brian think nothing will change in their happy, close-knit family. Their parents worked hard to establish a business and a heritage of godliness for their five sons. Randall does his part for the business, but doesn’t buy into that heritage thing. He just wants to have fun, until a series of events convinces him he has to change for the sake of the people he loves. His mother’s selfless love isn’t enough to change him. The protection and example of his brothers isn’t enough. The promises he’s desperate to keep aren’t enough. Are there really forces at work that Randall can’t control on his own?

This is a story about interconnected lives and the consequences of the actions of everybody in the family. It’s not just about one black sheep and his struggle to change. The spiritual lessons you can learn from each member of the Benson family surprise you as you make your way through this complex story and navigate their successes and failures. This isn’t women’s fiction. It’s complex adult fiction with a message for everyone who has promises to keep. By Mary C. Findley

Amazon.com, Barnes & Nobles and Smashwords.

Into the arms of fire

Running into the arms of fire

Without a way to stop

I watch my flesh melting

I can smell my hair burn

But instead of running away

I go deeper into the burning wood.

It’s a paralyzing fear

It’s the petrifying peace

while all this fire

controls everything inside me.

I fight the thoughts and feelings

as I burn inside this fire

is it all true? Is it all a lie?

will I lose everything at once?

While my mind and my body

get consumed

can’t stop but wonder

If I’ll live this dream

or reality will doom.

Black Knight

Why are you showing up for battle?

Why now?

Why not earlier? Why not later?

You gallop into this war

attempting to be a hero

of an already lost battle.

Oh brave black knight!

Long rainy nights are ahead

If you could only understand

If you could only see.

Take a peek inside the castle

You will see,

there are no survivors,

you will not make it alive!

Oh brave black knight!

I wish you had a fighting chance!

To see you at the top of the mountain

proclaiming the victory.

Will you make it brave black knight?

Will you surrender before starting the fight?

Will you go home and not even start the journey?

Or will you die in the field fighting the good fight?

Silent drops

a drop of pain inside the heart
is tended by the hand that feeds
words so sour, sharp and tart
cause the heart to endlessly bleed
told it can never be more than nothing
told that its progress is lost in meaninglessness
told that its existence was all for wasting
told that its being was never meant for this
a drop of pain inside the heart
planted by careless and selfish ones
a lifetime spent trying to put it apart
from a small hope that from the Creator comes
believes that everything it trusted was delusion
believes that care was just caprice
believes that discarding is the conclusion
of this life’s final puzzle piece
a drop of pain inside my heart
will never leave even with all my strength
trying to find my brand new start
seems like phantoms only gained
crying at the hopelessness
crying at the emptiness
crying for anything but this
crying unheard in this silence

 a drop of pain inside the heart
is  protected by the love that lives 
reaching for my brand new start
within the hope that the Creator gives



You are the mirror where I see all my blemishes

You are the obscurity that brings out the real me

You are the most sacred and the scariest

You are the place where I can connect with all divine

You are the place where I can’t hide

You are one of the most desired pleasures

You are where I can find the peace to my soul





the ethereal, vibrant wind that sweeps us into the bright color land

a place with neither time nor gravity

only us as one


the thick, sickening sludge that sucks us into a dark pool of unceasing torment

a place of weighted moments and days

We endure them alone.

You are my dove and I have seen your heart dragged

By the swinging pendulum of events

through love, through pain, through love and through pain.

You are in pain and I see you there, beyond the reach of my words, my affection

My whispers muted by the roar of your inner collapse.

I see your tears, so clear, like crystal jewels

Behind them is the abyss that knows no beauty.

You are imprisoned, burned and beaten, consumed

All I can do is look at you, you are so beautiful.

The mire does not taint you; the torment does not maim you

The affliction does not hide you; the wounds do not harm you.

This is what I see.

I won’t lose sight of you, dove.

I can’t forget the golden bliss, the tender delight

the soft, warm peace that promises to free you

and keep us in love’s comfort.



Today I’m grateful

 that I am not where I was yesterday,

and that I’m just a step away

 from where I will be tomorrow.

Today may look gray,

but remember that gray

It’s just a mixture of black and white,

just like we all are,

the dark in us,

the light in us.

So if the day has been gloomy and gray,

look for the ray of sunshine between the clouds,

 It’s the sun peaking out trying to reach out to you.

May the sun shine through the clouds in your life today!