I started thinking the other day about this and figure it could be a great topic for a healthy conversation. As always I clarify that I’m only a mother to a four legged child and that she was fixed very early in her life, so I personally have not and probably will not have to deal with this issue.
Working with teenagers at the church and watching some of the things they post on social media it makes me wonder how are Christian parents approaching the issue of their children being sexual active. As a general consensus amongst believers is that sex is supposed to happen within the boundaries of marriage. Let’s part from the premise that as parents you have favor the position that abstinence is the favorable choice for spiritual, emotional and health reasons.
Here’s the question: What would you do if even after you have advocated for abstinence, you find out that your child is sexually active?
I really would like to hear from you on this subject. I think parents and anyone working with teenagers could benefit from this discussion.
As a token of my appreciation, all those who comment will have their names 
placed in a hat for the chance to win a kindle copy of my new book The Road Home. On the subject, you can find out how Desiree managed the discovery of her teenage daughter being sexually active?
The winner will be announced on July 27th here at therisingmuse.com Looking forward to hear your comments and for those who have read the book already feel free to express how you felt Desiree handled the situation.
Naty Matos 
Thanks for all the input. We are about to adopt a sixteen year old young lady who has confided in us that she has been sexually active. My first instinct was that this was a “deal breaker” but my sweet wife helped me to see the situation differently and the adoption is still on. What to do though?! What does a fifty year old dad who has never had a daughter, just one son, tell her? It almost seems as if there is no answer. Please help.
should you warn another parent that their child is on the cusp of having sex?
Thanks for your visit. In response to your question. I would. What the parent does with that information is their responsibility. As an adult, If I know that a child is ready to make a decision that they may not be ready for, I would approach the parents so that they can handle it as they see fit.
I would want someone to tell me.
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I think a lot of Christian parents are in denial about this. I have a few friends who swear their children are pure as the driven snow…even the ones who live away from home in dorms in college or who have graduated college and have jobs and apartments in another city. I smile and pray they are right. But the stats are against them.
If what I’ve read in studies done by the Barna Group are correct the percentage of sexual activity among students at Christian colleges is pretty high.
I think a parent can and should have open discussions about this with their children. I think curfews should be enforced for children who live at home…no matter how old they are. Staying out to the wee hours or all night should be a no-no. There should be no “sleep-overs” w/boyfriend or girlfriend in the parental home under any circumstances.
Other than that, I agree with Pastor George. You just have to love them unconditionally.
I have an 19 year old daughter who lives with her boyfriend (a widower) and his small son in the state next to ours. She is not a believer and neighter is her boyfriend. She thinks our beliefs are fine for us, but is not interested in giving her life to Christ. We love her and we keep her in our life…boyfriend and his son included.
I agree Nike with the denial part. I also agree that sometimes with the fear or “losing” the teen there are compromises made with the whole “sleep-over” situation. Thanks for pitching in. your feedback is priceless.
Our teenage son began dating a girl in his school and he confided in us that she had been raped. Sometime later his sister discovered a note he had left out from the girl indicating she and our son were having sex. I told him he had betrayed her. She had already been violated by someone else and instead of protecting her and treating her the way he should have, he had become another obstacle to her being able to heal and have a future healthy relationship within marriage.
Wow, that’s a very intense situation. Thank you for sharing. What reaction did he had to the feedback and did it change his mind about the way he was handling his relationship with his girlfriend?
He said. “Well, we plan to get married sometime.” I said when? How? You don’t have any job opportunities here where we live. You don’t have plans, just urges.” I said, “You should not see this girl anymore, because you are just adding to her pain. Having sex with her is not loving her or taking care of her.” I could almost see a light come on in his head. He broke up with her, though they have remained friends, not because “Mom said so,” but because he understood what he did was not showing her love. We had a discussion about “protection” (how it wasn’t, spiritually, morally, or physically) and he was more open and receptive than he has ever been about anything. He has since pledged not to get involved unless he decides to marry.
Wow again, thanks for sharing this experience with us. I’m sure at some point they will look back and be thankful for your wisdom.
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As a pastor abstinence is not just something I advocate it is something I believe in. Yet two of my children, all of which are single, are “sexually active” We suspected it but didn’t know for sure with my oldest till she called to tell us we were going to be grandparents. Then recently we discovered my youngest son is also sexually active. How do you deal with it? Well I don’t know how others deal with it but we have let them know that while we don’t agree with their choice we still love them unconditionally.
We don’t change our stance or rules about what is allowed in our house. No one of the opposite sex allowed in bed rooms or to stay overnight. We also make it plain that as far as we and scripture are concerned this is sin and wrong.You have to teach them what is right,and then realize they, like everyone else have to choose to obey or not.
Thanks for sharing this with us. Sometimes as Christians we tend to forget that pastors go through the same parenting struggles that other parents do. So it’s good to have that perspective in mind. I appreciate you joining in our discussion.
Naty
Hey, thanks for linking in to Books You Loved (which runs about the 9th/10th of each month. Unfortunately your link just went to your home page and I was unable to tell which exact book you loved and wanted linked in – so for the meantime I have taken the link out. If you would like to, please link up the specific post – or mention the book in a comment if you don’t have a suitable post.
Have a great week.